Certified Realness Award:
Kimbo for keepin’ it 100 all day. E’rryday.

Leave It All on the Field (and in the Van) Award:
Margo pass-the-plastic-bag Smith.

Rookie(s) of the Year Award:
Coco and Liz (shared for excellence on the pitch and letting us nickname them and sing at them).

Most Improved Dancer:
Jo.

Swag Queen:
Mal Pal — duh. On and off the pitch “don’t even” step-ness. She comes through the front door.

Keystone and Continued Best Hair Award:
Fraggle for holding together the game on the field, rocking leave-in conditioner like none other, and shot-gunning like a badass.

To Wong Foo Award:
Angela yyaaassss quueeennn yyaaasssss. Someone get her chia seeds.

The Shady Lady Award:
Cat for her epic shade throwing to fools and finding cool spots to stretch in.

Miss Cleo Award:
Emmarie for hypnotically communicating with her teammates. Is she a mind reader?

Sneaky Pete Award:
Jaz for evasive actions all around.

Stuck Like Glue Award:
Vicky for her dedication to the game, her teammates, and going HAM at Blue Ruin.

Badass of the Year Award:
Katie Morris — if you have to ask, you didn’t see pictures.

Snake Charmer Award:
Des for suspiciously getting everyone to do what she wants … and being super sweet-seductive doing it.

Best Eyeliner Award:
Alli.

MVP:
Sham. Mic drop, bitches.

The Misty Copeland Award:
Raquel for her secretive dance moves.

The Arnold:
Gez — she’ll be back.

Gosling Goodmate Award:
Channy for being an epic driver who will hopefully build us our dream house.

The Ultimate Guest Star:
Erin McGee for facing all the odds to come play at Danbury.

The Blob Award:
Caroline for being all over the field and expanding recruiting!

Rick Moranis Award:
Dana for stepping in, “Little Giants” style — annexation of Puerto Rico!